San Francisco Real Estate

Welcome to the only San Francisco Real Estate site catering to the budget minded consumer. You won't find a mansion fit for King Willie, but you may find one fit for one of his cousins.

Join Real Estate magnate Cletus Holmes for an exciting tour of what could potentially be a great opportunity to break into the newest rage in home ownership, the "PortaEnclave."

The first Listing that we acquired is this wonderful, one bedroom with ensuite bath. Throughly handcrafted of the finest fiberglass and chain link fence and  a designer entry. This is a perfect specimen to enter the newest rage in home ownership. After purchase, you can place your new home at any location from Presidio Heights to Russian Hill.

                                                                                            Offered at $39.88 + Closing, Tax and Transport.

Our next listing is a another hand crafted fixer upper. Tested and found to be impervious to the elements, this listing is self contained and can be moved with just a few homies and some 40's to Pass for energy. Currently located in the Potrero Hill foothills, this unit is equally at home in China Basin. With a little work, you could move this baby right into the mission without attracting unwanted attention. This PortaMansion recently had new tires and a solar coffeemaker installed.

                                                                                             Offered at $42.95 + Closing and Tax

This immaculate beauty just came up on the market after it's previous owner was found dead and rotting inside. Though it initially had the strong stench of death attached to all of it's interior fittings, a quick once-over with a steam cleaner and some bleach fixed it right up. It has fully aired out and is ready for immediate occupancy. Included in the long list of amenities is a genuine stainless steel sink and a plastic water tank with a capacity of ten gallons. A pink Princess phone (service not included) is also part of the package as well as a 32 quart Coleman chilly bin. A three gallon PortaPotty is available for an extra $10.99.

                                                                                                    Offered at $169.95 + Closing and Tax

This is the flagship of my brokerage. Though small in size, it packs a veritable plethora of comforts. New foam padding, fresh linoleum, good tires are a start. Add the ten gallon PortaPotty, Ten Gallon Water tank, double sink in the galley and a propane heater and you have a love nest worthy of Casanova. New curtains round out the interior appointments. You can go places with this beauty and have the women squealing like sows.

                                                                                                Offered at $399.95 + Closing and Tax

For information on any of these listings, head on down to the playground and find me, Cletus. Here's a photo of my office so you know where to go. If i ain't in, talk to my secretary and have a complimentary 40 ouncer while you wait for my imminent return.